What to ask your Midwife

I was a first-time mother stepping into pregnancy with trust and hope, believing that choosing a midwife automatically meant safety, support, and alignment. I didn’t yet realize that credentials alone don’t guarantee COMPATIBILITY. Unsure of what I should ask and feeling pressure to hire one ASAP, I chose to set aside my instincts and hire the first one I liked.

After my first appointment, I loved her as a person but the environment was unorganized and honestly, dirty. But, she had experience, she worked with the Amish, her schedule was packed...so I chose to look past it. I sensed a gap between what I envisioned for my birth and what my she prioritized, but without the language or confidence to articulate it, I adapted instead of advocating. I told myself this must just be how it worked, who was I to say it should be different?

What I didn’t know was that informed choice is built on informed questions. No one had taught me to ask about philosophy of care, intervention rates, decision-making during labor, or how my midwife handled unexpected turns. Without that knowledge, I mistook compliance for collaboration and settled into a relationship that I didn't know how to get out of. My people-pleasing tendencies kept me there.

It wasn’t until after the birth of my son that I understood the cost of settling. So many things that we had seemed to agree on prior to my birth, suddenly seemed to be a point of contention . Birth has a way of revealing where alignment is missing, and I realized how different the experience might have felt had I known my power earlier. Not as regret, but as awakening, I learned that preparation isn’t just about the body—it’s about knowing what to ask, trusting what you feel, and choosing care that truly honors you.

Birth in Bliss - Midwife Interview Questions.pdf

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-Jenée Carlson